Rules for Writing Erotica—How to Craft Passionate and Compelling Stories

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Like it or hate it, the novel Fifty Shades of Grey ushered in a more mainstream acceptance of erotic storylines. The genre has become so popular, three German academics conducted a study to understand the trend. They discovered that this genre’s audience generally consists of highly educated, emancipated, feminist, progressive women from a broad age span who cite reasons for embracing the genre as “distraction and feelings of ease.”

Writing erotica can be exciting and rewarding, and it’s a craft that requires sensitivity, skill, and sophistication. Whether you’re new to the genre or looking to refine your technique, understanding the essential rules for writing erotica will help you create stories that captivate and resonate with readers devoted to the genre. 

Why not add to the cannon of this growing and more accepted genre? 

Feeling shy about what your friends and family might think or say if they were to read your erotica? That’s what pen names are for! 

Here are some important guidelines to keep in mind when venturing into the world of writing erotica.

1. Know Your Audience

Erotica is a diverse genre with a wide variety of sub-genres and reader expectations. Some readers enjoy explicit and adventurous scenarios, while others prefer subtle, romantic depictions of love and intimacy. Before you start. your first draft, take the time to:

Research the market—Read works by successful authors in the genre, and if there’s a sub-genre that calls to you, find those, too.

Identify your niche—Decide if your story will focus on contemporary romance, mystery, gothic, LGBTQ+ relationships, or other themes.

Understand tone and style—Know what your audience prefers, whether it’s poetic and sensual or direct and raw, based on the genre you’re working with

Knowing your audience will help guide your choices in word choice, tone, themes, and plot development.

2. Prioritize Consent and Boundaries

Writing erotica means being responsible and consent-focused. In fact, it’s a cornerstone of the genre these days. No matter who the characters are or the intensity of the scenes, all interactions should be consensual. Make it clear that both parties are participating in the events of their own free will and that their boundaries are respected.

Explicit consent—Show characters communicating their desires and limits.

Nonverbal cues—Use body language and reactions to reinforce mutual enthusiasm.

Avoid problematic tropes—Stay away from scenarios that could be interpreted as coercive or non-consensual unless they are explicitly negotiated role-play.

Including clear consent not only adds realism to your work, but it also keeps it ethical. 

3. Create Well-Developed Characters

Erotica is more than a bunch of explicit scenes. Readers need and want to care about the characters in your story before they’re going to care about the intimate scenes you write. Invest time in creating:

Relatable personalities—Give your characters human strengths, flaws, and unique quirks. What are their desires, why do they have them, and how do they go about realizing them?

Genuine connections—Show emotional chemistry alongside physical attraction. Creating connections of substance adds depth to your story and helps readers connect with your characters emotionally.

Distinct motivations—Strive for authentic and grounded personalities in your characters, especially when it comes to their  desires and choices. Always ask yourself: Why does she want that? Why is she behaving this way? 

When your characters are fully realized, their intimate moments will feel more meaningful and compelling.

4. Set the Scene

There’s no “perfect” setting for erotica because, well… Human attraction is human attraction. But… setting plays a crucial role in erotic stories. It can heighten tension and establish mood, and sometimes become like a character itself. Whether your story takes place in a luxurious penthouse, a secluded forest, or a chocolate shop, vivid descriptions will draw readers into your story world.

Atmosphere—Use sensory details to evoke textures, smells, sounds, and sights that enhance the mood. Draw your readers INTO your scenes.

Metaphor and Symbolism—Incorporate elements of the setting that reflect the characters’ emotions or desires. Using metaphor and symbolism will accomplish this with depth and meaning.

Variety—Experiment with different locations to keep your story dynamic and engaging. Allow your characters to lead vibrant lives that take them to settings that further tell your story.

The environment and setting should be an integral part of the story that enhances the characters’ experiences and interactions.

5. Balance Explicitness and Subtlety

Writing erotica is a balancing act. Readers expect a certain level of explicitness, but keep in mind that graphic or mechanical portrayals of love scenes can dilute the story’s emotional impact. Aim for:

Emotion-driven intimacy—Focus on how the characters feel, both emotionally and physically, and let their feelings drive their behaviors.

Varied pacing—Alternate between quiet, sensual moments and more intense, passionate ones. Think of it as an ebb and flow, a rise and fall. Create a rhythm by engaging readers with tension, then ease up to give them a break.

Avoiding clichés—Craft unique language that evokes feelings and sensations in the reader that parallel those of your characters. Use unexpected analogies and metaphors that lend texture to the language and meaning of your story.

Remember, sometimes less is more. Implied or understated moments can be just as powerful as explicit ones.

6. Develop a Compelling Plot

Erotica doesn’t exist in a vacuum. A strong plot provides context for the intimacy and keeps readers invested in the story. Consider:

Conflict and tension—Introduce challenges that the characters must overcome, whether external obstacles or internal struggles. Give your readers a protagonist they can relate to and root for.

Character growth—Show how the characters evolve through their experiences and relationships. Understanding the psychology and backstory of your characters will help you depict their growth.

Subplots—Incorporate secondary storylines to add depth and complexity so long as they don’t detract from the central storyline.

A well-crafted plot ensures that your story remains engaging beyond the intimate scenes.

7. Respect Diversity and Representation

Erotica has the power to explore diverse identities, relationships, and experiences. Writing with inclusivity in mind broadens your audience and enriches your storytelling.

Avoid stereotypes—Create multidimensional characters rather than relying on clichéd or reductive portrayals. 

Research—If you’re writing about identities or cultures outside your own experience, consult authentic sources and rely on sensitivity readers. Contemporary readers are too savvy for easy answers or stereotypical cardboard characters.

Celebrate variety—Explore different body types, genders, sexual orientations, and relationship dynamics. Make your cast of characters as diverse as the people you see around you.

Authentic representation enhances the emotional resonance and relatability of your work. It also builds trust with your audience.

8. Revise and Edit Thoroughly

First drafts are rarely perfect, especially in erotica, where tone, pacing, and language are critical. Take the time to:

Check for consistency—Ensure characters’ actions and emotions align with their established personalities. Again, always ask questions: Would she behave this way? What would she do?

Refine language—Polish descriptions to make them vivid and engaging without being overly flowery or repetitive. 

Seek feedback—Share your work with trusted critique partners or beta readers to identify areas for improvement. Regardless of the genre, it’s always wise to get feedback.

Editing is where your story truly comes to life, so take the time to make your words sing.

9. Know the Rules to Break Them

It’s true that writing rules and guidelines provide a solid foundation for any writer or genre. It’s also true that erotica is a creative genre that thrives on innovation and risk-taking. Once you understand the basics, feel free to:

Experiment with unconventional formats, such as diary entries or epistolary style, or try unique structuring devices or code switching.

Blend genres. Think: mystery, fantasy, or sci-fi.

Subvert tropes and challenge readers’ expectations. Avoid going with the first idea you have. Take the time to explore how to deepen and strengthen your characters to show readers stories they haven’t read before.

Breaking the rules thoughtfully can lead to new, intriguing stories that stand out in the genre.

10. Write with Authenticity and Passion

The most compelling erotica comes from a place of authenticity. Write what excites and inspires you, and your enthusiasm will shine through in your work.

Be fearless—Don’t shy away from exploring bold or taboo themes, as long as they’re handled with care. This is where your best writing will have room to rise to the surface.

Stay true to your voice—Let your unique perspective and style infuse your writing. There’s no one like you in the world, so lean on that when you write.

Enjoy the process—Writing erotica should be as pleasurable and fulfilling as reading it. Have fun!

When you write with genuine passion, your stories will resonate with readers and leave a lasting impression.

Conclusion

Writing erotica is a challenging yet rewarding craft that requires creativity, sensitivity, and skill. By following these rules, you’ll be well-equipped to create stories that are not only passionate and intimate but also meaningful and memorable. So, dive in with an open mind, and don’t be afraid to push boundaries. Your readers are waiting to be captivated by the story worlds you create.

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Ten notable erotica novels that have won the attention of readers with their sensual themes and compelling narratives.

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James—This novel explores the complex relationship between a college graduate and a young business magnate, and explores themes of dominance and submission.

The Siren by Tiffany Reisz—This book is part of ‘The Original Sinners’ series. It blends romance and intrigue, and introduces readers to an erotica author with a provocative personal life.

Bared to You by Sylvia Day—This story follows two individuals with troubled pasts as they navigate a tumultuous, passionate relationship.

Ice Planet Barbarians by Ruby Dixon—A unique blend of science fiction and erotica, this novel tells the story of a woman abducted by aliens who finds unexpected romance on an icy planet.

The Duke and I by Julia Quinn—The first book in the ‘Bridgerton’ series, this novel combines historical romance with sensual storytelling.

A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas—This fantasy novel intertwines erotic romance with a richly built world, perfect for fans of  ‘romantasy.’

The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Rice (as A.N. Roquelaure)—This novel puts an erotic twist on a retelling of the classic fairy tale, and explores themes of power and submission.

Gifting Me to His Best Friend by Katee Robert—Part of the ‘A Touch of Taboo’ series, this novella explores unconventional desires in a consensual setting.

Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence—Thisclassic novel delves into the affair between a young married woman and her gamekeeper, challenging the conventions of the era in which it was written.

Delta of Venus by Anaïs Nin—A collection of erotic short stories that explore the complexities of sexual desire and human relationships.

10 Steps to Plan for NaNoWriMo

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October will soon come to a close and November will be upon us. That means it’s time to prepare for NaNoWriMo—National Novel Writing Month.

This will be my first year taking the challenge. Instead of officially registering for the event on the NaNoWriMo website, I and my writing group are doing the challenge to get our in-progress novels completed by the end of November. (I’m about one-third of the way in on mine…)

Having intention is one thing, but we need to do more if we want to see success with a challenge of this magnitude. Planning is essential, and it paves the way for successful implementation.

So first, let’s look at the goal itself.

The NaNoWriMo challenge assumes approximately 50K words total. That equates to 1667 words per day (5 double-spaced pages / Times New Roman 12 pt font) or 69 words per hour.

Having these numbers in mind will help you begin to break down the task into manageable pieces.

Now, here are some tips to help you do that.

  • Plan—Take care of any business or obligations in your life that can be completed before November.
    • If you celebrate Thanksgiving and it’s traditionally your job to shop and cook, make your shopping list before November 1. When the day comes, enlist people to help you. (Do it!) And if you absolutely must miss writing on this day, decide where you’ll double up on another day—in advance—to stay on track.
    • If you have other special days to celebrate—an anniversary, a birthday—again, get your shopping done before November 1. If you need to mail packages, get them wrapped and ready before November 1. Mark the trip to your package delivery service on your calendar.
    • Create a Plan B. No matter how much we plan, people and situations beyond our control can interfere. If you have a solid Plan B in place for the days that go awry, they won’t throw a giant wrench in the works and will only derail you for a short time.
  • Schedule—Block out the times you’ll write on your calendar. (I’m a geek for calendars, so this is one of my favorite parts of preparing for projects.)
    • Determine which calendar works best for you: digital or analog. (I use a combination of both.)
    • Reserve blocks of writing time in your calendar. If you use digital, color code those blocks time with a color ONLY used for writing. If you use analog, use a highlighter to accentuate the blocks of time you’ve designated for writing.
  • Shift Your Mindset—Rather than think of the challenge as daunting, make it fun. Starting with a defeatist mindset from the get-go (or at all) will be a giant deterrent to successful completion.
    • Write down mantras. (“Writing is fun.” “This draft is only for me.” “Perfection is not necessary.” “My writing comes first.”) Or make up your own. Repeat them to yourself every time your mind drifts into defeatist territory.
    • Write a letter to the voices in your head. Let them know they are not welcome, at least, and especially, not for the month of November.
  • Commit—Treat your commitment to NaNoWriMo as you would a commitment to someone you care about very much. Make it a priority. Privilege it (at least in your thinking) above all else. Just for a month…
    • Clean and prepare your workspace. This will send a message to your brain that this is important, that you mean business, that it matters to you.
    • Enlist the help of family and friends. Tell the people in your life what you’ll be doing. Tell them how much it means to you. Ask for their help in the form of respecting the times you’ve set aside to write.

For more detailed and hands-on help, check out the first four COMPLIMENTARY modules of my Conjuring Clarity course, created to help you accomplish these first four steps.

Now, for the writing itself.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash
  • Know your people—Make a list of your protagonist(s), antagonist(s), and supporting characters.
    • What traits and characteristics define who they are as people? Think big. Think small.
  • Know your people’s backstories—Knowing your characters’ histories will inform why they want what they want and why, as well as what obstacles they will face, both internal and external.
    • Where are they from? Where are they now?
    • What has happened to them in the past (especially their deepest wounds).
  • Know your milieu—Make detailed notes about your story world. Do research beforehand, as needed.
    • Where does your story take place? What are the characteristics of this place?
    • When does your story take place?
    • Do any special rules apply to your story world (as in fantasy, sci fi, or magical realism)?
  • Determine your opening scene and inciting incident—Having a clear starting place will go far to start you off with a smooth beginning.
    • What is your opening scene? How will you set the stage and engage the reader? What does the status quo life of your protagonist look like when the story begins?
    • What (inciting) incident or event will turn your protagonist’s world on its axis and set them on their journey?
  • Create an outline—While it’s true that we gain insight about characters and what they want and why as we write, having some kind of framework to focus on will help you keep moving forward with a tight deadline like this.
    • What is your protagonist’s deepest desire and why? (Hint: This is oftentimes connected with their wound from the past.)
    • Given your protagonist’s personality, how will they attempt to realize their desire?
    • Given what your antagonist wants, how will he/she/it interfere with your protagonist’s progress?
    • What’s your ending? This can be hard to know sometimes, but make a guess for now, then set up a series of events and/or key scenes that you know will be relevant to the storyline.
  • Relax, trust, and let go—Surrendering to the process, letting go of any preconceived ideas about the finished product will give you the creative space to see you through to November 30.
    • Think of this draft as an abstract painting. Put down what comes to you without feeling the need to edit as you write. (You can do that in December.) Use big, broad brushstrokes. Use tiny, finite brushstrokes.
    • Be willing to both stick to your outline and shift your course when new, surprising ideas show up. This is the give and take of the creative process.

Want to go even deeper with Steps 5-8? Check out the second four modules of the Conjuring Clarity course.

Want to go even deeper with Steps 5-8? Check out the second four modules of the Conjuring Clarity course.

Want to go even deeper with knowing your people by experiencing the magic of the Writing Through the Body™ method?

Check out the COMPLIMENTARY Intro to Writing Through the Body™ video.

Check out the entire Writing Through the Body™ course.

I hope these tips help. Please let me know, in the comments, if you’re doing NaNoWriMo. Then, come back after November 30 and let me know how it went.

And remember… ANY progress is good progress. We can do this!

Sending you mad writing mojo…

Happy writing!

Johnnie
XO